I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
