Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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