I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
