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we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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