drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think your dad took our porno
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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