bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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