around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize