I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
