you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Help me help you realize you are a moron
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize