if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
