"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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