cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
