I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
