note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
