just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
whose parrot is this?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
