The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
