so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Michael Bay diarrhea
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
