my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
