My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
