It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
