i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
