Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the condom got lost in my hair
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
