you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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