i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
