he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I wish there were birth control emojis
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
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