The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
