Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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