so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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