Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
