did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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