I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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