How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
