once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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