using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
