Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
