Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
