it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
