so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
