We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There's always time for handjobs
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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