So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
