matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
