I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
