He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
