i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
