Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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