I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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