If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
