a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
