So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
