Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I deserve this hangover.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
