bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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