he shaved USA in his pubs
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
These tits shall not be calmed
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
