I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
