I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
