dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
