Your face is a jimmy john
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
