he puts the penis in happiness.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
