My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
