She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
