i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
