Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Let's get the cat blown out
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
