you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
