bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
