I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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