Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
