So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
