Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So apparently I’m into choking now
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
