FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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