Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
