there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
