she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
