Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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