ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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