i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Randomize
